Why I wrote this: My own family experience with dementia taught me that the early signs aren’t always the dramatic memory lapses we expect. Sometimes they are tiny changes that only become obvious when you look back. I hope sharing some of what I noticed with my mum and stepfather helps another family recognise that something may need attention.
There are certain moments in life that stay with you forever. One of mine was realising that something was changing in someone I loved.
At first it did not seem significant. A forgotten appointment here. A repeated story there. A misplaced purse that eventually turned up in an unusual place. Like many families, I brushed these incidents aside. We all forget things from time to time. Life is busy. Stress affects memory. Growing older brings changes.
Yet there came a point when the little things no longer felt quite so little.
Dementia rarely arrives dramatically. More often it slips quietly into everyday life. The earliest signs can be subtle, confusing and easy to explain away. Family members may not recognise what they are seeing because the changes happen gradually. Often there are early signs of dementia families often miss.
One reason dementia can sometimes go unrecognised in its earlier stages is that the first changes do not always look like obvious memory problems.
If you are worried about a parent, spouse, relative or close friend, understanding the warning signs can help you seek support sooner and plan for the future with greater confidence.
A note before we begin: Seeing one or even several of these changes does not necessarily mean that someone has dementia. Memory, behaviour and thinking can be affected by many different health conditions, medications, sleep problems, depression and other factors. Only a qualified healthcare professional can assess the cause of these changes and make a diagnosis.
A diagnosis does not change who a person is. What it can do is provide answers.
Recognising potential symptoms early allows families to access medical assessments, support services, treatment options and practical guidance. It also gives the person experiencing symptoms the opportunity to participate in important decisions about their future.
Many conditions can mimic dementia including depression, thyroid disorders, medication side effects, infections, sleep disorders and vitamin deficiencies.
That is why seeking professional advice is always worthwhile when concerns arise as it may not be dementia after all.
When most people think about dementia they immediately think about memory loss. Whilst occasional forgetfulness is a normal part of ageing, dementia-related memory problems tend to interfere with daily living. You might notice someone:
A person may genuinely have no recollection of asking the exact same question five minutes earlier. This differs from occasionally forgetting where you left your reading glasses or walking into a room and forgetting why you went there.
One of the earliest warning signs many families overlook is difficulty completing activities that were once routine. Tasks that have been performed successfully for years may suddenly become challenging.
Examples include:
Because these changes can happen gradually they are often attributed to stress, tiredness or simple distraction.
Many people experience the occasional struggle to find a word. Dementia-related language difficulties tend to be more persistent.
Someone may:
My loved ones started referring to things differently such as, the kettle became “that boiling thing” because the correct word would not come to mind. All animals, birds, insects and fish became “creatures”.
These language changes can create frustration and embarrassment which could lead some individuals to become quieter in social situations.
Losing track of time occasionally happens to all of us. Dementia-related confusion is often more significant. You may notice someone:
One particularly concerning sign is becoming disoriented in places they have visited countless times before.
Changes in judgement can appear surprisingly early. Family members sometimes notice their loved ones making unusual decisions long before memory problems become obvious. Examples may include:
Sadly, older adults experiencing cognitive decline are often targeted by fraudsters. This is one reason families should pay close attention to significant changes in financial behaviour.
Most of us occasionally put something down and forget where we left it. Dementia often involves placing objects in unusual locations.
Examples include:
I once spent 3 hours looking for my step-father’s wallet for him because he refused to leave the house without it. I eventually found it inside a shoe in his wardrobe.
The issue is not simply losing the item. It is more the fact that the person will have no memory of placing it there, or why, and may become suspicious of others when it cannot be found.
One symptom that often goes unnoticed is social withdrawal. Someone experiencing cognitive changes may start avoiding situations they once enjoyed. You may observe them:
This withdrawal may occur because they feel self-conscious about their difficulties and fear making mistakes in front of others. My mom began battling to keep score whilst playing tennis, a sport she played weekly for as long as I can remember. Slowly she started withdrawing from the club and making excuses why she couldn’t go that week.
Dementia can affect emotions as well as memory. A person who has always been easy-going may become irritable, anxious or suspicious.
Common changes include:
Family members are often surprised by these shifts because they seem so different from the person’s usual temperament. Sometimes these emotional changes appear before noticeable memory problems.
Many families laugh off repeated stories. At first it may seem harmless but the concern arises when repetition becomes frequent and persistent. Someone may tell the same story several times within a short period without realising they have already shared it. Similarly, they may ask identical questions repeatedly despite receiving answers.
Whilst occasional repetition is normal, a consistent pattern deserves attention.
Following conversations requires memory, concentration and language skills. When cognitive changes develop, conversations can become increasingly challenging. A person may:
Large family gatherings can become particularly overwhelming. As a result, some people begin avoiding them altogether.
One subtle sign families often miss is increasing dependence.
A previously independent person may begin relying heavily on others for tasks they once handled confidently. You might find yourself helping with:
Because families naturally help one another, this gradual increase in support may not immediately raise concerns.
Driving requires attention, judgement, memory and quick decision-making. Early warning signs may include:
These changes should never be ignored as they can affect both personal safety and the safety of others. I remember my step-dad all of a sudden not being able to switch the lights on and off in the car.
A once tidy home may begin showing signs of neglect. You may notice:
Sometimes these changes appear long before a diagnosis is considered. Family members often assume the person is simply tired or less motivated than before.
Research increasingly shows a connection between dementia and disrupted sleep. Early signs may include:
Whilst sleep disturbances can have many causes, significant changes warrant further investigation.
One particularly heartbreaking sign can be the gradual abandonment of activities that once brought joy.
A keen gardener may stop tending plants. An enthusiastic cook may lose interest in preparing meals. A passionate reader may struggle to finish books.
When a person begins walking away from long-loved hobbies, families should pay attention. My stepdad continued to buy countless books from the SPCA. He thrived on reading about history but he stopped actually reading the books. Gradually he would be seen flipping through pages to merely look at the pictures.
Trust your instincts. Family members often notice changes long before a formal diagnosis is made.
If symptoms are becoming more frequent, affecting daily life, causing safety concerns, creating confusion, impacting finances or changing relationships, it is wise to arrange a medical assessment.
Even if dementia is not the cause, identifying underlying issues can significantly improve quality of life.
If you are beginning to recognise several of these changes in someone you love, you may be wondering what you should actually do next. How do you approach the conversation? What should you write down before making an appointment? And what happens when you finally ask for help?
I have written a practical guide for families who are beginning to suspect that something may be wrong, covering those first steps and some of the things I wish families knew when they find themselves in this uncertain stage.
Read: A Guide For Families Suspecting First Symptoms Of Dementia
Approaching someone about memory concerns requires sensitivity. Many people feel frightened, embarrassed or defensive so try to focus on observations rather than accusations.
Instead of saying:
“You have dementia.”
Consider saying:
“I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a little more forgetful lately and I’m wondering whether it might be worth speaking to your doctor.”
A gentle approach often leads to more productive conversations.
One of the biggest misconceptions about dementia is that memory loss is always the first sign.
In reality, the earliest symptoms may involve judgement, personality, communication, organisation, confidence or emotional wellbeing.
Recognising these changes can help families seek support sooner. Awareness creates opportunities for assessment, planning and access to valuable resources. Most importantly, it allows families to approach the future with greater understanding and compassion.
If someone you love is showing several of these signs, know that you are not alone. Many families walk this path. Seeking answers is not about expecting the worst. It is about ensuring that the person you care about receives the support, dignity and guidance they deserve.
If you are concerned about changes you have noticed in someone you love, it can help to read information from trusted dementia organisations alongside speaking to a healthcare professional. These resources explain symptoms, diagnosis and when changes may need further investigation.
The National Institute on Aging has a helpful guide explaining the signs and symptoms of dementia and how they differ from normal age-related changes.
The Alzheimer’s Society also provides practical information for people who are worried about their own memory or the changes they are noticing in someone else.
Early signs can include increasing forgetfulness, repeatedly asking the same questions, difficulty completing familiar tasks, struggling to find words, confusion about time or place, changes in judgement and noticeable changes in personality or behaviour. The signs can vary considerably from one person to another.
No. Occasional forgetfulness can be a normal part of ageing. Memory and concentration can also be affected by things such as stress, poor sleep, depression, medication or other health conditions. It is more concerning when changes are persistent, becoming more noticeable or beginning to interfere with everyday life.
Yes. Although memory problems are common, some people first experience changes in language, judgement, planning, behaviour or their ability to carry out familiar activities. Different types of dementia can also affect different areas of the brain.
If you have noticed ongoing changes in someone’s memory, thinking, behaviour or ability to manage everyday activities, it is worth making an appointment with a doctor. Keeping a note of the changes you have observed can be helpful when discussing your concerns.
Try to choose a quiet and familiar time and speak about the specific changes you have noticed rather than telling the person that you think they have dementia. Approach the conversation with concern rather than accusation. It may take more than one conversation before they are willing to seek help.
Try not to turn the situation into an argument. Continue to keep a record of significant changes and look for an appropriate opportunity to raise the subject again. If there are immediate concerns about safety, such as dangerous driving, getting lost, unsafe use of appliances or problems taking medication correctly, seek professional advice rather than waiting for the situation to resolve itself.
Some difficulties may appear to fluctuate, particularly when someone is tired, stressed or unwell. However, significant or sudden changes should not simply be assumed to be dementia. A sudden change in confusion or behaviour can have other medical causes and should be assessed promptly by a healthcare professional.
Once you begin noticing changes in someone’s memory or ability to manage everyday tasks, you may also find yourself wondering whether there are simple things that could make life a little easier. There are products designed to support memory, routines and independence, and some of them are surprisingly simple.
These aren’t treatments for dementia, and they won’t replace medical advice or appropriate care. They are simply practical aids that may be useful depending on the person’s individual needs. Sometimes the simplest things can make the biggest difference.
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These additional costs can sometimes make an otherwise reasonably priced product considerably more expensive, so please check the final price, delivery costs and any additional charges before placing your order.
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A simple item locator – If keys, wallets, glasses or other everyday items are constantly disappearing, a small locator tag may save an enormous amount of frustration. It won’t stop someone from misplacing things, of course, but it can make finding them considerably easier.
I would have loved to have had one of these when we were repeatedly searching for my stepfather’s wallet!
A large day and date clock – A large, easy-to-read clock displaying the day, date and time can be helpful when someone is becoming confused about what day it is or whether it is morning or evening. It can also provide a simple visual reminder without requiring the person to ask someone else.
Digital Photo Frame – While photographs can’t replace time together, a digital photo frame allows children and grandchildren to send new pictures instantly, helping parents feel connected every day.
Large-button/simple telephone – A simple phone with large buttons can make it easier for someone who is beginning to struggle with complicated technology to remain in contact with family.
A medication organiser
A clearly organised medication box can make it easier to see whether tablets have been taken. The right option depends on the person’s abilities and medication routine, so it is worth discussing medication aids with a pharmacist or healthcare professional before relying on one.
Motion-sensor night lights
A soft light that switches on automatically when someone gets out of bed can make a dark hallway, bedroom or bathroom easier to navigate. This is a particularly simple change and doesn’t require the person to remember to switch a light on.
These are not treatments for dementia and they cannot replace appropriate medical care. They are simply practical things that may make everyday life a little easier or safer for someone experiencing memory or cognitive difficulties.
If you’re beginning to think about safety around the home, rather than simply individual products, I’ve also written about creating a safe home for someone with dementia, including some of the everyday changes that can make a home easier to navigate.
If this guide has helped you, please consider sharing it with a friend or family member who is caring for someone living with dementia. Small changes can make a remarkable difference and your share could help another family feel more confident and supported.
You may also enjoy:
A guide for families from first symptoms of dementia
The 7 stages of dementia explained in plain English
Creating a safe home for someone with dementia
Home safety products for people with dementia
Until next time,
Sharon 🌼
